A Shrek and his concubine
A Shrek and his concubine
Judges 19-21 takes on a stark new meaning when reinterpreted by the Shrek Bible Studies scholars.
Judges 19-21: A Tale of Chaos in the Swamp
Judges 19: The Ogre and His Princess
The Ogre and His Princess: In a faraway swamp, there lived a grumpy but lovable ogre named Shrek. He had a beautiful wife, Fiona, who was not just a princess but also a fierce warrior. One day, after a silly argument about who left the toilet seat up, Fiona decided to return to her father’s castle in the nearby kingdom of Far Far Away. Shrek, realizing he missed her more than he missed his swampy solitude, set out to bring her back.
The Journey: After a few days of navigating through the enchanted forest (and dodging a few pesky fairy tale creatures), Shrek arrived at the castle, where Fiona’s father, King Harold, welcomed him with open arms and a feast fit for an ogre. They spent time together, and after a few days of eating too many onion rings, Fiona agreed to return to the swamp with Shrek. They set off on their journey home, but as night fell, they decided to stop in the town of Gibeah, known for its hospitality (and questionable hygiene).
The Assault: As they settled in for the night, an unruly group of townsfolk surrounded the inn where Shrek and Fiona were staying. They demanded that Shrek come out, shouting, “We want the big green guy!” To protect Fiona, Shrek, in a moment of desperation, offered her to the crowd, saying, “Hey, how about a trade? You can have my wife for a night, but only if you promise to keep the swamp clean!”
The Aftermath: The townsfolk took Fiona and mistreated her throughout the night. In the morning, Shrek found her at the door, but she was gravely harmed. Heartbroken and furious, he took her body back to their swamp and, in a fit of rage, cut her into pieces, sending one piece to each of the fairy tale kingdoms with a note that read, “This is what happens when you mess with an ogre’s princess!”
Shrek 20: The Gathering of Friends
The Call to Action: The news of Fiona’s fate spread quickly, and the fairy tale creatures gathered in outrage. Shrek stood before them, his heart heavy with grief and anger, saying, “Listen up, everyone! We’re not just going to sit around like a bunch of talking donkeys!”
The War Against Gibeah: The creatures decided to confront the town of Gibeah and demand justice. They sent messengers to the townsfolk, asking them to hand over the troublemakers, but the townsfolk refused, leading to a fierce battle. Shrek rallied his friends, declaring, “Let’s show them what happens when you mess with the swamp!”
The Battle: The fairy tale creatures, led by Shrek, fought valiantly against the townsfolk. Despite suffering losses at first (including a few broken fairy tale weapons), they regrouped and strategized. With Shrek’s strength and Fiona’s fighting spirit in mind, they pressed on, shouting, “For Fiona!”
The Defeat of Gibeah: After a series of intense battles, the fairy tale creatures triumphed, defeating the townsfolk of Gibeah. They destroyed the town and brought justice for Fiona, but the victory felt hollow. Shrek looked around and said, “Well, this isn’t exactly the fairy tale ending I had in mind.”
Shrek 21: The Restoration of the Tribe
The Mourning of Friends: In the aftermath, Shrek and his friends mourned the loss of life on both sides. They realized that the conflict had nearly wiped out the town of Gibeah, and they feared for the future of the fairy tale creatures. “What are we going to do? We can’t let the swamp be overrun by ruffians!” Shrek exclaimed.
Finding Wives for the Survivors: To ensure that the townsfolk’s lineage would not be completely lost, Shrek and his friends devised a plan. They remembered that a nearby town had not participated in the conflict, so they decided to take action. “We’ll have a big party! Everyone loves a good party!” Shrek suggested, rubbing his hands together.
The Festival of Shrek (Continued): During a festival in the nearby town, Shrek and his friends instructed the surviving townsfolk to find wives among the festival-goers. In a comedic twist, the fairy tale creatures encouraged the townsfolk to approach the festival attendees, leading to a mix of awkward encounters and unexpected romances.
Shrek: (grinning) “Just remember, no one likes a guy who smells like a swamp! Freshen up a bit!”
Donkey, ever the optimist, was running around, trying to help the townsfolk charm the festival-goers.
Donkey: (enthusiastically) “You gotta show them your best moves! Like this!” He starts dancing awkwardly, drawing laughter from the crowd.
As the festival progresses, some of the townsfolk manage to catch the attention of the festival-goers, leading to some hilarious and heartwarming moments. Shrek watches with a mix of pride and amusement.
The Conclusion: As the night winds down, Shrek gathers everyone around a large bonfire. He stands up, raising a mug of swamp juice, and addresses the crowd.
Shrek: (booming voice) “Alright, everyone! We’ve been through a lot, and it’s time to celebrate! We may have lost some battles, but we’ve gained new friends and families. Let’s make sure we look out for one another from now on!”
The fairy tale creatures cheer, and the atmosphere is filled with joy and camaraderie. Shrek and his new bride who is confusingly also named Fiona share a loving glance, knowing that their bond has only grown stronger through the adversity of losing Fiona (the original one).
As the festivities continue, Donkey jumps in with a new idea.
Donkey: (excitedly) “How about we have an annual ‘Swamp Festival’ to celebrate our victories and friendships? We can have games, food, and maybe even a dance-off!”
Shrek chuckles, shaking his head.
Shrek: “A dance-off? You know I’m not much of a dancer, Donkey. But if it means keeping the swamp safe and having fun, I’m in!”
The camera zooms out as the fairy tale creatures dance around the bonfire, celebrating their newfound unity and the resilience of their community. Shrek and Fiona stand together, watching the festivities with smiles on their faces.
Cue the upbeat theme music as the credits roll, ending the episode on a high note, filled with laughter, love, and the spirit of friendship.